HII NI NINI LYNN?

Hosting golden rule number 1...don't try out a new recipe when you're expecting guests.
There's this one time I had some friends coming over for a get together meeting. I woke up pretty early and started quarreling with the dishes and the sufurias in good spirit...it was lit and by around midday everything was ready.
Let me tell you a little story: My only sister got married last year and if you come from the Luo community or  if you are married to a Luo then you will agree with me that traditional Luo marriage ceremonies are a big feat. Neighbors will ask "To chuoreno nobiro gi mtokni adi?" "How many cars did that husband of hers come with?"
We actually just like to celebrate events with food.It is not a celebration if there's no food.Once a while you'll hear someone complaining; "Ne wadhi e liel no to waayo gi dhowa" Loosely translated "We went to
that funeral and left with our mouths" I once overheard a woman calling out at another from across the road, 

"Neee tim piyo ring liel borumo nwa."
"Look, please hurry we'll miss the funeral meat"
So yes, even in funerals, the spirit of celebration remains. My folks actually judge the greatness of a send off ceremony by the number of cars that occasion the ceremony  (and their models) and by the quantity and quality of food that is served. More accurately by the number of cows that are slaughtered.
Back to my story...on the material day of my sister's traditional wedding, we woke up early, made sure every corner of the house and the compound was neat and then we got to cooking, the main agenda of the day.In case you're planning on marrying a woman from the lakeside, let me let you in into a little fun fact.There are people who will accompany you to the girl's home purposely to eat. Just that. Eat.
So we cooked and cooked and cooked all sorts of delicious dishes which everyone present enjoyed and downed with good old soda.You'd be very justified if you caught feelings in Luoland for missing a bottle of soda.
Fast forward to the following day which was on a Monday. We're seated outside having brunch..most of which was leftovers from the previous evening. See, I don't know if this is just a problem with me or there's anyone out there I share this disability with.I call it a disability because life is too short not to do the things you love. And seventy five percent of the time all I want to do is eat.If I was randomly asked by a stranger about what I enjoy doing most, eating would top the list.It is a fact that is not contested. But then, the problem is once I spend a lot of time preparing food, when it's time to eat I lose my appetite. Especially when when it comes to chapatis.So on the previous day while everyone else was eating I was running up and down trying to ensure that everything is perfect for the occasion. Allow me to digress :

I traveled up country on Saturday and earlier that Sunday morning I remember my mum asking another cousin of mine and I, "Kokeu muwicho malich go be biro tedo ma  luok sende?" "Will those painted nails cook and clean utensils?"

I will not mention that we cooked almost four packets of chapat and attempted to bake a cake that awfully backfired because we'd forgotten to put in some baking powder. So all I can remember is that after all the cooking and moving up and down I had a bite of a piece of chicken and ugali.Brunch was going to be payback time.
Back to our brunch, we're all seated in a tent that had been pitched outside the house ; my aunts, cousins, mum, brothers...It's a full house.There is a lot of food to go on but amidst everything my attention is drawn to some sweet looking wet fried beefy beef . I decide to give it a try and oh my....It tasted different. There was a bit of sourness (not sure if this is the right word) that is not kawaida but I know it was good.If you are a food lover then you know the feeling you get when something is so yummy it seduces your taste buds.
So I ask my mum how it was done and she refers me to my little brother (insert grin and popping eyes)So I'm like huh?I know my bro is a good cook but this was too good.He makes some of the best chapatis by the way.I'm not ringing(siringi )I'm just saying.No, I think I'm ringing. Dear ladies, your men will not tell you this, but they secretly added 'Ability to cook soft round chapatis" to the list of qualifications for wiving you. If he hasn't asked you just know that someone somewhere is making them soft chapat (and prolly sitting on them)

I bet my mum would disown you if you were her child and you didn't know how to cook....LOL (Pun intended)
So at that point I give my little bro a wry smile and before I can pop the question he interjects:

"Just do your wet-fried beef the kawaida way then instead of letting it simmer with water, add yoghurt"
"That's easy" I tell myself.

Fast forward to the day when I was hosting these friends of mine for lunch, beef was amongst the key dishes I planned to prepare.I was all psyched up to try my brother's magical recipe, and I was looking forward to answering a whole ton of questions regarding my dish. On the eve of the get together as is the norm for me, I bought all the ingredients I'd need to ensure that I had everything ready,woke up early the following day and got to cooking.
All was going well....Every other dish was ready, the chicken in my cooking pieces pot were having a spa treatment, my wet fried beef looking all savoury and my chapos looking like manna.The only step left was for me to add in the yogurt.
Now, I had sent someone to buy the yoghurt but I never specified the flavour I needed. So he got me vanilla because he knows that it's my favorite (He totally thought I wanted to eat it.)By the way, do we eat Yorghurt or drink yoghurt ? I have always drank yorgurt but recently someone tried challenging my nursery school teacher's ability to teach English. I still remember my nursery school teacher and the way she used to flog us with flip flops...On occasions when she was extremely agitated she'd hurl a flip flop at whoever it was making her teaching career difficult.Mmhhh.The woes of being a village girl.
Any-who,  I opened the can and poured a about a quarter cup of the yogurt into the sufuria containing the beef while stirring with a curious face.A few stirs later, the devil started whispering things into my ear.Bad things...very bad things.
Add more...I added
Add more...I totally generously, shamelessly added.
This went on and on and by the time I was done adding, the yoghurt can was empty and that is the time it actually hit me that I should have called my brother and asked for clarification on quantities. It tasted more of mala than meat and instead of a rich brown color I got a sad looking creamish thing.

What to do? We gathered together as everything that makes up Lynn and had a brief meeting that led to us making a decision on two things
Thing one: We were not going to throw away one and a half kilograms of beef.
Thing two: We were not going to tell the guests shit about what happened with the recipe.The heck we were not going to tell them what that was called....yogurt beef?Beef yoghurt? Beef sprinkled with yoghurt? Beef in yoghurt?I tried to coin one of those names expensive restaurants use to justify overcharging you but failed miserably.
Long story short, despite all that drama going on in the sufuria, I neatly and shamelessly served the beef and set it on the table alongside the other dishes.The bowl came back empty....
Now I cannot share with you what happened because I also don't know.
Enjoy the rest of your week folks!

AKABANGA

Habanero chilies make one of the hottest chili peppers in the world. This is not your ordinary pepper and before you go all the way in for all the hot and spice, test your endurance ( pun intended ).They are named after the Cuban city of La Habana and even though they are able to grow just about anywhere, they grow mainly on the Yucatan Peninsula in Mexico.

photo:pinterest

Meet Akabanga, Rwanda’s hot and spicy habanero chili sauce. The sauce is made of 80% Habanero and 20% vegetable oil, sunflower oil being the most commonly used. The heat level of Akabanga is medium to hot depending on your tolerance; there is no mild…LOL. I’m feeling sweaty just thinking about how hot it is.

Photo: akabanga.net

Akabanga conveniently comes in two bottle quantities, the smallest being a little eye drop container of 20mls. I guess the eye drop nip was adopted by the manufacturers of Akabanga to ensure that you do not ruin your food 😜😜😜.

There are two ways through which you can consume Akabanga. You can either prepare your food along with it as an ingredient or you can put it right on your ready to eat food as a condiment. Just be careful not to put too much because even a drop can be mental. Its heat ranges considerably over 150,000 Scoville Heat Units…but then again it all depends on how much heat you can take. More interesting, It is not just about the heat but Akabanga has a characteristic distinct spicy flavor that most chili peppers don't.

In my kitchen shelf I have a 100mls bottle of Akabanga that was gifted to me as a souvenir and I am loving every savory, spicy drop of it. Sometimes I’m tempted to put a drop in my tea just to get how that would taste. It is perfect for every chili lover. Today I am having chikabanga (deep fried chicken with akabanga) and ugali.

Now, forget about everything I wrote in this blog post about Rwanda and the next time you visit, just ask for Akabanga. Better still,you can order online from their website at www.akabanga.net
Happy Labor Day and enjoy the rest of the photos

Cheers!

HOW DO YOU LOVE YOUR EGGS?

We all love eggs, right? I particularly do, especially when I am going
for something that is simple and less time consuming to
prepare. Well, here is a simple yet delicious scrambled egg recipe that
you can prepare in less than ten minutes, with less than ten
ingredients.


Scrambled Eggs Recipe (Serves 2 or 3)

You will need;
3 eggs
2 large tomatoes
1 onion
1 large capsicum (pilipili hoho)
1 tablespoon Spanish paprika
A pinch of garlic powder
A pinch of salt to taste
1 fresh green hot pepper (optional),or powdered chilies.I like to go for the unprocessed ingredients
2 tablespoons of cooking oil

Step 1; Whisk the eggs together with a pinch of salt
Step 2; In a pan, heat 2 tablespoons of oil
Step 3: Fine chop the onions and add them to the oil. Allow them to cook
             until almost golden
Step 4: Pour and blend in your beaten eggs. Allow them to cook for a
            few seconds while stirring
Step 5: Add your grated or finely chopped tomatoes and the hot pepper.
            Allow them to cook until they're well blended in with the eggs
Step 6: Sprinkle a tablespoon of your Spanish paprika and a pinch of
            the garlic powder on the eggs and mix evenly.
Step 7: Add your diced green pepper and simmer for 3 minutes.

Your dish is ready…

Best served hot with ugali, rice or pasta, but you can try it out with whatever works for you!
Bon appetite!

BHANG FOREST

I do not know how many times I have ingested cannabis sativa without my consent. Though, there is this one time that I did beyond any reasonable doubt. It was on a fine Monday that was destined to be quite busy because I had several errands to run in town. I set out early; clad in a T shirt, an easy pair of chino pants, a simple pair of converse shoes and, of course, my pair of Ray Ban aviator sunglasses. The sunglasses have a long story too; let’s conserve that narrative for another day. I bet I looked expensive.

By around 2 P.M. I had accomplished half of my missions, but I still had to pick a few things from downtown and rush to another part of the busy city to pick a parcel. I did not have time to sit down and pamper my stomach. I had no idea of when the conventional "lunch time" passed. I was too busy to notice. At this point, though, hunger pangs could not let me traverse the streets in peace. I engaged in concise monologue and concluded to exit town before the rush-hour craziness begins and people start losing their minds. It was necessary that I was out of the streets before the city went into a "trance”. I was certain that I did not have time to sit in any joint for a proper meal. Despite my stomach's complaints, I encouraged myself to ‘keep walking’...no not that.

I then took a right-turn onto a very famous street and behold before me was a cute little cake shop. The cakes looked crisp, inviting, and very yummy. Good thing, black forest retails at seventy shillings around here. Well, if I fainted then rest assured the aroma from the black forest cake would have resuscitated me. That is just how much I love my black forest cake. The prices in this particular cake shop are awkwardly low, but I, nevertheless, decide to buy a piece to munch on my way as anticipated a well prepared homemade meal. The sales lady looked very vibrant, and after handing me my balance, she thanked me and crowned it all with a warm smile. How sweet!

Fast forward to 4 P.M when I was done for the day, and I was dragging my feet to board a matatu home. Meanwhile, the hunger pangs were biting harder and I could not stop thinking about the cake. A few minutes after settling in I reach out for it. The first bite tasted good. The second bite was even better. I must have been very hungry. The third bite...I could taste chilies, a funny smell, and the cake was so tough, as tough as some of those "ugali mandazis’ we used to buy and eat in lower primary. I am sorry if you missed that.

The fourth bite...I couldn’t take it anymore. I began to experience an acid influx and heartburn was closing in. The lady seated next to me started stealing glances at me and was probably imagining that I was having the time of my life. If only she knew! I am trying to keep a straight face because I would not want her to think otherwise. It is not easy for me to call it black forest at this point because honestly I didn’t know what became of it! I began to feel dizzy and nauseated. Remember, it was 4 P.M.; I had breakfast at around 7.30 A.M., I had been walking for hours and never had lunch, so I was telling myself that perhaps it was fatigue, perhaps.

The fifth bite...did I just taste salt?! At this point, I give up. I just folded back everything and stuffed it in that neat package. I so badly needed a hug. Usually, my house is about thirty minutes’ drive from town. On this particular day, though, I felt like I was travelling upcountry. Just so you know, while traveling upcountry, we have lunch stopovers. That is just how far from South Africa my hometown is. To cut the long story short, I got home safely, puked my intestines out...I still felt dizzy, though. Trust me; cheap can be expensive…sometimes. My box of ‘black forest cake’ was probably rotting itself to oblivion in some dump site in Machakos County. It will take Angel Gabriel himself, a host of other angels, and perhaps one or two miracles to convince me that half of that ‘thing’ was not laced with marijuana!